Owls?

I am grateful for my struggles, without them I would not be who I am. We are all built for our purpose. I am happy to be able to share my story and grateful to be able to use my toughest times in life to help guide others through theirs. We are all full of endless potential--it's just a matter of tapping in! Ive battled an anxiety disorder, exercise/food issues, domestic abuse, health issues, single parenting, and getting hit by a Chevy Avalanche in a hit and run T-bone car accident. Life has had many lessons for me this time around... 

One of the biggest struggles with mental health is the continued stigma attached and the fear of being open with others about it. I encourage those who are suffering to break free from these chains..., find someone and talk about it. Suffering in silence is prolonging and intensifying the issue. Talking helps with healing! Here is my story for those who are unfamiliar with previous posts about it 🥰 

A day in the life: waking up from a restless sleep to to the feeling of your heart about to explode from your chest, gasping for air sometimes from the sudden awareness of conscious reality. Unsure why you feel the way you do but guessing you were having a horrific nightmare as your subconscious was just controlling you. As your thoughts race rapidly with no direction or focus you try to continue through the morning routine. After awhile, you become robotic in an effort to just function. Cruising through life on autopilot so your system doesnt completely shut down; you think it must be a defense mechanism, your vessel has to maintain in order to support your continued existence. Over time you just accept this is what your life is; this is reality. Life becomes a bland flavor that you accept, but do not really enjoy. You think, hmm I wish things were different, I want to love life again, but do not see how its possible. You withdraw from friends and family because ultimately the light inside you has dimmed so low that you can barely maintain conversations. You feel guilty for not being able to maintain relationships. People misjudge your actions, people take your isolation personally. You can come off as stand offish or cold, distant. Being distant is the new baseline for all things in your life. The longer this continues, the more hopeless and stuck you feel. Your life is ruled by your erratic emotional responses to trigger and stressors. You have people that intentionally trigger you just for fun. You become a toy for people to play with, at the mercy of your emotions. You try a doctor, maybe some meds and therapy.., but alas nothing seems to really help. There is no happy life in your future, you just try your best to cope on a daily basis.

But then one day something changes that makes your brain function differently. You're not sure exactly how it happened, but it did. You suddenly start to become aware that you are ultimately able to change your perception of reality and transform your life. You begin the transformation process and begin to heal. You worry it might go back to how it was before, but over time you begin to trust this new found bright light inside yourself. The more you work at it, the brighter your light becomes. Being full of love and light, excited for life and the future you begin to be your true self again. No longer plagued by seeds of doubt and fear, you start to express yourself to people and now the world. This is my story. Now I am free. 

A Note on Coping Mechanisms... (check out my podcast for related episodes)

I used to use exercise and practice food restriction to cope with low self worth, anxiety and ptsd to the point of injury and unhealthy behaviors. Sometimes we convince ourselves we are healthy because we are doing "healthy activities". Do not fall into these traps. Intention is everything! Is your exercise routine to maintain health and wellness, or something else?

Are you convincing yourself you are healthy because your coping mechanisms are "healthy"? Mindset matters. Take a step back and reflect on if you are trying to trick yourself in any way. Don't play the fool to your own internal falsehoods. Namaste. 💗